Adapted by Pamela McCarthy

“Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
Have lots of long lie-ins.
Wear sturdy socks.
If you must lie about your age, do it in the other direction:
tell people you are ninety-seven and they will think you look great.

Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling
of letting it go and seeing it swim away.
Never eat food out of a bucket.
Don’t work out, work in. Play the banjo. Eat plenty of Liquorice Allsorts.

Try to live in a place you like.
Try to do a job you like.
Marry somebody you like. Avoid bigots of all descriptions.
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes.
After that, who cares? He’s a mile away and you have his shoes.

Clean your teeth and keep the company of people
who will tell you when there is spinach on them.
Avoid people who say they know the answer.
Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.
Don’t pat animals with sneaky eyes.
If you haven’t heard a rumour by 11am, start one.

Don’t be talked into wearing a uniform. Salute nobody.
Never run with a scissors in your hand or other pointy objects.
Above all, go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a sausage roll and a cup of tea.
When you feel the tea coursing over your tongue you’ll know what I mean when I say “It’s good to be alive!”

Take Care

Pamela

Reading Dublin Unitarian Church, 9th October 2005