I’ve found a way to calm my mind which helps me to relax,
It really gets me to unwind and counters stress attacks.
When life begins to get me down I sit and meditate
For several minutes by myself, on the things I love to hate.

Those mindless morons in their cars who thrive in every town,
They play loud, thumping music as they drive with windows down.
They’re craving our attention with their senseless pounding noise.
They must have been neglected when they were little boys.

Those stupid signs you see in shops annoy me to excess
Which put in an apostrophe for words which end with ‘s’,
Whether genitive or plural, they just don’t have a clue;
But I’ll have to grin and bear it. What else can I do?

Those dangerous ignoramuses on mobile phones, who drive
With one hand on the steering wheel. How do they stay alive?
They’re a risk to other people but no one seems to care -
Until they kill or maim someone – it really isn’t fair.

That recent blight upon our lives –“Reality TV”-
With its misappropriation of the word ‘celebrity’.
“Big Brother” and “Love Island”, “You’re a Star”- Oh, what a farce!
I’d love to take the whole sad bunch and put them out to grass!

The conceited politician who thinks he owns the place,
Avoiding direct questions with a smirk upon his face.
When the next election’s coming up he’ll sing a different tune,
He’ll go round kissing babies and promise you the moon.

Those garrulous wine-tasters who pretend they know it all,
Their ostentatious prattling just drives me up the wall.
They sniff and sip and swill and spit, and mince around the table.
They wouldn’t know the white from red if it wasn’t for the label!

Those blithering bible-bashers who ring my blinking bell,
One day I’m going to ask them, “Do you believe in hell?
If so, why don’t you go there, now?” They’d turn and off they’d plod.
I’m sure they want to save me, but I’m an atheist, thank God!

The restless child who’s brought to church and kicks up such a noise,
While its parents sit there watching and won’t see that it annoys.
It’s hard enough to hear the words especially when we’re old,
But must we suffer little children who aren’t properly controlled?

I know I should be tolerant of other people’s quirks,
But that kind of behaviour makes me think that they’re just jerks.
I never will accept it, no matter how I try,
But I know I mustn’t overlook the beam in my own eye!

John Ward

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