an extract from an article by Marie Murray, a regular columnist with the Health Section of The Irish Times. This extract was chosen as a reading by Doireann Ni Bhriain at a recent service.
Listening is not waiting to speak, to interject, to use the time when another person talks to formulate one's next point or refute what is being said by the current speaker. Listening is not being distracted. It is not serial monologues passing for exchange. It does not seek confirmation of its own point of view.
Listening is attending to the pauses, the silences, the choice of words, the experiences behind them and the reason why this person has chosen to convey this information at this time in this way. Listening is more than hearing. It is heeding. It is concentration. It is paying attention. It is processing what is being said, waiting to hear the next sentence, the expansion, the emerging ideas and the underlying emotions being expressed by the words. It is intense curiosity in the story that is being told.
Listening is silencing one's own voice to hear someone else. It is wanting to know rather than wishing to inform. It is suspension of self in the service of other. It is not giving advice providing solutions or solving problems. It is silent. It is unselfish. It is reverential. It is healing.
If there is one activity that enhances the security of the child, boosts adolescents' self-esteem, adults' belief in their worth, a feeling of being respected in older adults and gentle interaction with those of advanced age, it is being listened to.
When someone really listens to what we have to say, they show that they care about us, they want to hear our story, they want to understand, they value our point of view, they seek our interpretation, they await access to our emotions, they are patient and prepared to listen for as long as it takes for the story to be told.
Relationships depend on listening. Loneliness means nobody to listen. Anger dissipates when grievances are listened to, without interruption, without retort, without excuse or refutation.
For interpersonal communication may be more about how we hear, than what we say, and how we respond when people call upon us to hear what they have to say.

Marie Murray The Irish Times Nov 20th 2007
Marie Murray is clinical psychologist and head of counselling services in UCD. Full article available on Irish Times website, www.ireland.com