Andrew Solomon, in his book "The Noonday Demon", his book about depression writes;
"Depression is the flaw in love. To be creatures who love, we must be creatures who can despair at what we lose, and depression is the mechanism of despair."
A large number of people suffering from reactive depression are doing so because they have lost loved ones. What feels worse than being separated from those who are precious to us? Partings are painful; they are sad; they make us feel as if we are beaten by fate; they make us feel desperate; without connection or roots. Torn away from those we love we suffer intense feelings of longing and loneliness. Sometimes you have to keep the love in your heart but let the object of your affection go. This is something I am having to learn the hard way.
Loss can make us close down. It can make us feel as though our hearts are contracting; hardening as well as breaking. It can make us so depressed that their is no room for joy. Mourning is a necessary process as well as a deeply significant spiritual experience. Losses do remain with us; they are part of our history and our Karma. It's not appropriate to spend the rest of our lives grieving. We need to find ways to peacefully co-exist with our sadness. We can embrace our pain and our losses and be more authentically real for doing so.
A broken heart is often the beginning of healing and of resurrection. Sometimes it is desperation that drives us out of this rut. How is it possible to turn personal sorrow into transformative growth? What relief is their from life's fraught and fragile impermanence?
The fact is life is tough-for all. Finding a way to peacefully live with loss takes courage, fortitude and inner strength. We may not be able to control life's winds but we are in charge of how we relate to those winds and that make's all the difference. If I want my life experience to be different, I have to do something different. We have choices. Change is our ally. This fact of change allows transformation and renewal. It is a life setback or crisis that is the next step to transformation and is the principle of inner growth and spiritual maturity. Sometimes what follows is a radical questioning of our assumptions and beliefs; it helps us "think outside the box". Sorrow may provide us with the lessons we most need to learn in processing and reflecting on our lives.
"Compassion is the rent we pay while we are here on earth". On a very personal note I want to thank the St. Stephen's Green Unitarian Community and in particular: Bill, Jane Meredith, Michael and Alice Robinson, Charlie and Moisie McCaw and Dermot and Margaret Hart together with Rory Delaney, John Ward and Dennis Aylmer of the Managing Committee for their loving kindness to me over the last while; it is deeply appreciated.