Right On Rev had agreed to be a guest at the East of Islington Book Club. Strictly speaking, it wasn't actually a Book Club, more a Supper Club, as it was held in the local Vietnamese restaurant; but books loosely featured, and in his honour they had chosen the Bible. 'A perennial favourite with our members,' the chair had lied when extending him the invitation.
An odd choice, but it seemed everyone had at least seen a version, although very few had managed to read it cover to cover. Right On Rev had read it, of course: theology at Oxford and a stint in a seminary had seen to that, but he didn't actually possess his own copy. After all, he was a Unitarian; they didn't bother with the Bible.
Of the other members present, two were Jewish by birth and had since switched allegiances to Buddhism and self-help books. One was an occasional Catholic, but her three illegimate children didn't make her very popular with the local priesthood.
Which left The Sixties Starlet, Adam Angst and Sally Round-The-Bend. Each with their own particular affiliations, none of them particularly holy.
'Let us begin by welcoming our guest,' announced the chair. 'And thanking him for taking the time to come and break bread with us tonight,' she said piously. 'If any of you have an issue you would like to raise, please don't be shy, ask away.'
Sally Round-The-Bend was the first to launch in. 'Are there any straight men at your church?' she asked. ‘Preferably rich and single’. It wasn’t exactly the question he was expecting, but Right On Rev fielded it well.
‘We have all types in our congregation,’ he said, ‘And we certainly wouldn’t turn a man away for being rich and single.’At which point Adam Angst threw his own hand in the air. ‘What about gays?’ he asked. ‘Do you have any gay men?’ The chair started to look anxious, but Right On Rev was keen to be inclusive. 'We have gays too,' he said. Single ones? Adam Angst wanted to know. Apparently in the congregation, there were straights, gays and people who simply hadn't made their minds up yet. And a lot of them were available. In short, the Unitarians could be all things to all persuasions.
'Perhaps we could return to the Bible,' the chair pleaded. But it was dating, not the deconstruction of a seminal text, that was being demanded.
'Would you be able to introduce me to any of your men?' persisted Sally Round-The-Bend. 'Yes, me too,' said Adam Angst. The chair was desperate. 'Please, members, let us not forget why we are here,' she said. 'We have only one night with our esteemed guest, let's not ruin it.'
The esteemed guest, however, was trained to be graceful. He was happy to help people meet each other; after all, it was part of his job. 'Great, but I don't want any "God Squadders", Adam Angst added.
Eventually, after all possible relationship avenues had been covered, the chair managed to wrestle the conversation back to the book in hand. 'Has anyone actually managed to read it?' she asked. The Sixties Starlet, who until now had restricted her verbal intervention to ordering more Merlot, said that she had.
'It took me an afternoon,' she drawled.
Right On Rev was staggered. 'Was that just the New Testament? Or the whole thing?' The Sixties Starlet said she had read the whole thing before cocktails and couldn't see what all the fuss was about. 'It wasn't like he was a great writer,' she said. 'Who?' Right On Rev wondered.
'Jesus Christ,' she said. 'I mean, his style was all over the place, and he winds up getting himself killed in the end. What was that about?' The table fell silent. The chair tried to retrieve the situation. 'It's about metaphors, isn't it?' she suggested. 'Like this evening, for instance. There are 12 of us, we are in a restaurant, you're our guest. It's like the Last Supper!'
'It's certainly the last supper I'll ever attend,' agreed Right on Rev.

SAM TAYLOR
Reprinted from THE OLDIE – April 2oo5